Well here goes!! I dont normally look for relationships on a web site, but my psychologist, gynechologist, and parole officers all suggested that I give it a try! I am a single white female, 5 foot 5, and only ten pounds over weight for my height. I am a wonderful person, and didnt mean to kill Charlie, my first husband, but he ate the last Hostess cupcake, so that bastard was asking for it! I am just a loving simple gal, who is looking for a man that can cook, both in the kitchen, and in the bedroom! I want to be spanked, while I have twinkies shoved into my mouth! I love a good laugh, have regular bowel movements, thanks to the large gallon size containers of Activia that they sell at Gordons food service. I thought I had a terrible yeast infection once, but it turned out to be a ham sandwich that got stuck between some skin folds when I fell asleep watching the Food Channel. I like carbs, protiens, and starch. I am a simple gal, who needs a simple man that knows how to do both the Heimlich maneuver, and the hineylick maneuver. I do have a bit of a thyroid problem, and I am large boned, so if you are looking for a Barbie, dont look here. I like long walks at the grocery store on sample day, fires on cold nights, and malicious destruction of property. I dont drink alcohol, and only take prescription drugs, Depakote, Prozac, Clonezapam, Xanax, Buspar, Thorazine, and a little Seroquel from time to time when I am having real bad PMS. I like amusement parks, and enjoy having those handsome firemen show up with the jaws of life. I like them to grease my ass, and pry the cars open, when I cant get my ass out of the seat on whatever ride they were dumb enough to let me on. I believe in higher education, and took my GED test five times! I want a man who knows knows how to use a pumice stone on my feet, and powder my inner thighs to keep me from chafing. I bathe whenever I can slip off of the end of the dock, and keep myself in tip top hygenic shape. I like NASCAR, WWF, and being rolled in flour. I have an eight person hot tub, so we can take turns soaking on those cold winter nights. I need a man who knows what he wants, and doesnt want a mother. I want to have apples shoved into my mouth, and basted from head to toe with Open Pit. Being able to hold your breath for long periods of time is a plus, and the ability to eat with the fragrance of body odor in the air is a definate plus! I know you are out there, so come over and make me a sandwich! I am looking for someone to share my ham on a stick with, while we watch videos of the Crispy Cream factory. I am over the days of stabbing my lovers to death, and want to settle down. You must like dogs, cats, gerbils, and of course fish! I dont own any fish, but I do smell like one most of the time. If you are looking for just a one night stand, well, okay, but you have to bring your own batteries and virgin olive oil. I am waiting, so dont make me wait too long! If you have a cargo van and a heartbeat, you are my dream!! Come on, dont make a gal wait forever!!
Location: Waterford
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