...and I forgive myself too. I know its been like 2 years since the friendship between us four broke off.I thought we all had something special. That we would be friends forever. I finally felt accepted for just being me. Then when things went horribly wrong, I assumed the worst of you-that you abandoned me too and you thought the worst of me. I felt so sad and humiliated. I must have seemed like some confused ,hurt, nonsense person at times while we were seeing each other. I was. I tried to convince myself that I was over so many things: my daughters death, my ex, what others thought of me, that you were going to fall in love with me and get over your ex, that the connection I felt to you, you felt too-that it was so special that it would last.
Someone said it best on here:
"Was it just too much Is it that our connection was so strong we couldnt ever get past the shallow bullshit
Maybe its because we really never had anything in common. All chemistry and nothing practical.
Ive had that before and just left it behind.
Why cant I leave you behind Why do I feel the need to be in your life
I may never know."
You probably wouldnt even recognize me anymore. I found happiness again. Yes Ive been seeing someone very special that loves me madly and deeply like Ive always dreamt of, but thats not what I mean. I have found ME again. I have healed, feel true happiness and peace and it feels wonderful! I see your engaged to your true love and Im glad that you feel loved and have happiness too. It may very well be that you never read this, but I had to put this out into the universe- I forgive myself for hurting you and you for hurting me. I always tried my best with you. I finally realized-and truly put into practice-that I needed to work on myself for a while for the Lord to bring the love I desired into my life when I was truly ready for it :) May God bless and keep you always
-M.
p.s. I do not regret the times we shared and all that I learned..thank you :)
Location: Tacoma
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